Finding the Center

I feel like I am looking at a mixer on high and wondering when and how I will jump in? The lives of those around me are in chaos...some are hurting, some are in conflict, some are angry with God for their circumstances, some are struggling with depression and oppression. Where do I jump in, Lord?
As I type these words I see in my mind the swirl of emotions mixing in the lives of others and myself. Somehow I have fallen into this mix. My heart is hurting, and I'm angry...You are here...but how do I find the center where you are?
This mornnig like each morning and each evening I have a ritual that is a life-saving. Due to a rare inheirted blood disorder, each morning and evening begins and ends with an injection. This injection is designed to right the wrong in my blood cells. Without these injections, blood clots form and...well, it isn't good.
Years ago I was told by my doctor that the oral medication I had been taking was no longer effective. It would be necessary to change from the medication to the daily injections. I truly thought my world had ended. The thought of purposely inflicting something similar to a "bee sting" pain into my abdomen twice a day was not my idea of a good alterative to the oral medication. But, there were no other options. This was what would save my life and keep me present in the lives of those that mean the world to me.
One morning totally distaught with the pain, I cried out to God, "Please give me a reason to do this! I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this." In the quiet of my heart where God resides, I heard God clearly say, "Name your shots." "Now, this is an interesting and intriguing concept, Lord," I said, "But I really don't understand what you are asking me to do."
Then God laid out his plan: I was to name my injections. That meant that each time as I did an injection, I was to remember in prayer someone(s) by name(s). "I love this idea," I told God excitedly. Being the ever planner, I grabbed my calendar, sat in my prayer closet and asked God to help me know who to pray for during these times. Before I left my prayer closet that day, four months of names for my injections were written on my calendar. Sometimes I wrote notes to those on their "Shot day." Sometimes I called and said, "Today is your shot. Do you have a prayer request?" And sometimes I emailed them to tell them what I heard in my prayer time during their shot!
You know it is a good thing when people get excited and join in a plan. Such was the case in naming my shots. What began as (in my estimation) an impossible time became incredible moments with God as I poured out from my heart to His the names to His care.
This morning I am asking God to still my storm so that I can find the center-where He is. I know that God never leaves nor does He abandon us in our storms. So, today, I look to the helm of my ship and ask Jesus to stand up and speak to the gale winds and crashing waves, "Peace be still!" Then the peace comes...I have found the center and my heart is still.
The second ritual is that before I turn off my bedside lamp at night, I read from my "Grandmother's Bible." Without a doubt, with no exceptions, no matter what kind of day I have experienced God meets me in His Word! In this Bible there are prayers for the grandmother to pray over her grandchildren. I read the prayer aloud including two little ones who are not my "birth" grandchildren, but are in my heart as such. Leaving those precious souls in the arms of Jesus, I am free to close my eyes and rest in peace knowing that all I hold dear has been left to His safekeeping.
This thought just occurred to me. The enemy of our souls wants us to be dizzy...it is his desire to keep us distracted, confused, hurting, tossed about in crashing waves drowning out our thoughts so that we are fearful. His desire is to upset our hearts, make us anxious, angry and isolated.
But!!!! The Prince of Peace is just the opposite! Finding the center is where Jesus is! Zephaniah 3:17 reminds me that Jesus is the source of saftey, peace and joy. It says, "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Thank you, Lord Jesus, that you are the center of my life. Thank you for rescuing me from the storm, quieting my heart and for the melody of love that you sing over me.